You'd fuck her...

And you know it.

Every once in a while there is a hot female that becomes a celebrity. As soon as she becomes a celebrity, every man in America wants to have sex with her, of course there are anomalies, but you get my point. Then there is another point in her career when, for some odd reason that hasn't been researched by any credible scientists, most men vehemently deny the fact that they want to have sex with the particular celebrity. It's as if the denial of coitus with the celebrity becomes cool.

You know, it kind of pisses me off. I can be driving down the street with a couple of friends and see a mediocre woman walking and say, "I'd put it in," and they would all agree. But I bring up a name like Britney Spears, and half of them act like they would rather wrap a broomstick in sandpaper and sit on it.

You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to make a preemptive strike on any comments by saying there is going to be at least one that denies wanting to have sex with Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, or my personal favorite, Jessica Simpson, because she's dumb. Hey, guess what? She's a multi-millionaire, she can't be too fuckin' dumb. I digress. Besides, one of you dumb fuckers is going to spite me and spew your mind diarrhea, anyway.

You see, here's the thing. Let's use Britney Spears as an example. Now, imagine yourself chilling in your living room on an idle Sunday morning. You have your window shades open and there is a warm amber glow splashing on your walls and floor. The kind of sunlight that allows you to see the particles of dust floating aimlessly through your air as they constantly remind you that you don't really give a fuck about dusting.

You hear someone knocking on your door. You're surprised because you weren't expecting any guests, so you jump from your seat and walk briskly toward the door only to have the door swing wildly open as Britney Spears charges into your living room. She's frantic and excited. She says to you in her cute Southern twang, "I need to fuck -- bad. And I want it to be you."

You'd fuck her.