I pity the fool...

That can't enjoy some good shore fishing.

There are some out there that need one of these vessels of elitism known as "boats" to enjoy fishing.

Don't get me wrong -- I enjoy boat fishing as well, but sometimes a boat is a pain in the ass... You have to have a trailer to put it on, a truck to haul it, and at least one competent friend to help you launch it, and put it back on the trailer when you're done. Let's not forget $300 to put gas in the fucking thing.

So, if you're like The Beaner Schnitzel, you live in more simpler times. You grab a pole, and either walk or drive your happy ass down to the river. In our case, the Saginaw River.

Sure, pretty much the only thing you can catch in the Saginaw River is catfish, sheepshead, and Herpes Type II, but who could ask for anything more? The catfish are plentiful, the sheepshead put up a good fight, and I'm pretty sure they have pills for that other thing you could catch.

But it's different when you're fishing off the shore -- especially a shore smack dab in the middle of a city. It's peaceful, yet busy. You're on cruise control while the townies drive by. Almost oblivious to the fact that they could be down there with you having their own vacation as well.

You can also get a wicked sweet tan. Yes, that is my forearm up against my bicep.

Check out the photo album.

Where do all the hot chicks go?

I'm not sure if this is something that is just Midwest-specific, but I have noticed an incredible phenomenon lately.

As you all know, your trusted Beaner Schnitzel pays attention to everything. I don't need to have sex with the dead horse anymore. Or is it "beat the dead horse?" Either way my back is starting to hurt.

As I'm driving in my car I like to look at the other drivers. The stuff you'll see is amazing. You can find people screaming at their children, drinking alcohol, and having sex with dead horses, to name a few. However, I just realized within the past week that you see more hot chicks as the weather gets warmer.

What causes this? What makes the hot chicks come out in warm weather? On the contrary, what makes said hot chicks hermits in cold weather?

Since I got a 99 (out of a possible 100, I'm sure) on my IQ test I was able to figure out the answer as soon as I asked myself.

I'm a leg man. Tits; meh. Asses; they're okay at best. Nothing gets me more excited than a nice pair of thighs. A woman with a set of supple thighs makes me want to run to her and squeeze them as if they were the safety spot in a game of tag and the ugly girl with the overbite is on my heels.

What do hot chicks like to wear in warm weather? Skirts, mini of course. Skirts are the best article of clothing ever invented. They allow the woman to move freely throughout the day, and they allow the man to ogle and objectify her as a piece of meat, just like God intended.

Now I know there are some guys out there that like to say that they prefer booties to boobies, or vice versa. But the fact is that every man with a wiener that works can't deny the power of a thigh.

The women know this. How could they not? What is a woman's purpose in life? To please men (note the plural), obviously.

Can a woman wear a miniskirt in cold weather? Well, she would, if she knew what were good for her. However, there is this silly little thing called "frost bite" that stops women from baring too much skin in winter. They tell you, "No, I can't wear a miniskirt today! It's only seven degrees outside!" Bullshit.

I bet this "frost bite" malarkey was made up by a woman. I should look into that...